Before my sister was diagnosed with Breast Cancer my dad's youngest sister died of Breast Cancer.

She died one week before my sister's regularly schedule pap and mammo.

My sister found out she had breast cancer two weeks after my aunt died.

So, even before I knew that my aunt had breast cancer, I found myself drawn to buying anything that supported breast cancer research. I had tried to get an entry into the Avon Breast Cancer Walk but I couldn't get the time off from MUNI because 2 other female drivers were already doing the walk. Over 1,500 drivers and the city cannot spare 2 females drivers for a 3 day week on our own time?

So I did the next best thing I could, I gave money to Breast Cancer research groups. But moreover I found myself drawn to buying things that had the little pink ribbon on it. Anything and everything that gave money to Susan G Komen and other foundations.

So I saved the UPC off items and collected them from friends and co-workers and just sent them in anonymously with only my return address on the envelope in case the address for the foundation was wrong.

Then I find out that my sister has breast cancer and I look around my apartment and its covered in things with pink ribbons on it.

My aunt kept her breast cancer a secret from us until she was at death's door. So I wasn't compelled to support these foundations because of her.

I've personally only known one women who had breast cancer (at least 1 that I can remember). And she was a long term survivor and it was over 20 years ago that I knew her.

What compelled me to start giving money to Breast Cancer Research? Did I somehow know that this was going to strike very close to home, so I started to push for a cure and for a way to prevent the disease from taking the lives of more women?

Is it weird that I'm wondering why I just bought a pink ribbon PediEgg because the proceeds go to the Susan G Komen foundation even though I already have a pumice scrubber?

Is it weird that I feel compelled to go to my Ob/Gyn and ask her to run every conceivable test on me to make sure that the ocassional aches and pains that I have in my breasts is not because cancer is developing?

Is it weird that I wonder if this weird?

By the way, my sister has had her fourth chemotherapy treatment on this last Monday. Two days ago she had a follow-up PETScan to see how the tumor and affected lymph nodes are responding. Today she went to the surgical oncologist who said yes the tumor has shrink significantly and the lymph nodes have responded well but that all of my sister's rib bones and the bones in her arms (actually her whole skeleton) lit up as active (having cancer cells) from the PETScan. They believe that her skeleton lit up not because she now has bone cancer (as far as we know she does not) but it lit up active because of the Nupagin shot she got the day before the scan and after her Chemo treatment. So her skeleton is absorbing anything and everything shot into her body. The nupagin is suppose to active the marrow into producing more red blood cells - so it also spurs bone growth. So she's going through a growth spurt again at 50. Interestingly right now she has too much plasma in her blood stream and not enough red blood cells so she's going to have to have a blood transfusion in about a week or two (whenever she up for it) her youngest son (who loves to donate blood does it every month) is going to donate specifically for her. But he has to wait another 7 days before he can donate again then the blood has to be processed and prepped her his mom. I think its very sweet that he without her or I even asking said "Mom if you need blood, I'll give you mine." She cried. He laughed and told her "I like giving blood but I hate getting shots because of you." Long story involving a needle accident and the Hepatitis vaccines.

My sister is worn out from the Chemo Therapy and other treatments (steroids, nupagin, IVs etc) - she's tried of waiting for the genetic testing results to find out if she is BCRA1 positive so she can know whether to have a lumpectomy or a bilateral mastectomy. She cannot swallow even water at times. Her stomach hurts badly all the time. Her skin is peeling off in sheets. Her hands and feet are covered in huge purple bruises. She cannot take the Zofran for nausea because I causes migraines, so she takes my promethazine. She is sick of being tired and tired of being sick. She couldn't go macrobiotic if she wanted to because she barely eats and doesn't have the energy to prepare anything beyond rice or broth. Everything else she tries to eat she says tastes like metal. Even her tears she says taste like metal like the chemo drugs. Only things that don't taste like metal are things canned in metal - canned pineapple, canned Mandarin oranges and canned cherry pie filling - but she says food in her stomach hurts and feel like lead just sitting there heavy, undigested.

On the bright side - she's happy that there is an end in sight to this round of treatment. She's happy the cancer will be cut out. And she's happy that she's not dead. Probably for the first time since her husband died she's excited to be alive. Which is great. All it took was cancer to get her out of a nearly ten year depression over losing her husband.

Weird.

Oh yeah, soitgoes - all my sister does is take bathes in bathsalts. But she's having to stop because her skin is so sensitive now that she's almost getting burned by the bathsalts. She only uses the air freshner when my nephew decides to cook Spam. The smell of the Spam sickens her worse than the fumes from the spray.